“It is in our faults and failings, not in our virtues, that we touch one another and find sympathy. We differ widely enough in our nobler qualities. It is in our follies that we are at one.” – Jerome K. Jerome
Nobody is perfect. Indeed, what does it mean to be perfect? What is for sure is that the criteria for perfection will be different from person to person. This being the case, your faults may or may not have credence, depending on who you are!
Your faults may be genuine defects, or they may only exist in your mind. Your faults might be physical, social, emotional, attitude based or in your outlook. What is vital to your resilience is that you both acknowledge these faults, whether real or not, embrace them and treat them with love.
1. Face Your Perceived Faults
Often we ignore what we believe to be our faults. We try to avoid thinking about them, or even daring to connect with ourselves and name what they are (or what we think they are). Have you ever thought to yourself, ‘I’m in such a bad place, and I can’t work out why.’ In these moments, can you honestly say that you have sat down and dedicated your thoughts to pinpointing what that reason is?
Perhaps you perceive yourself to be physically imperfect. You might be feeling anxious about how you have behaved in some way, or about the way you continue to tackle certain situations. Perhaps you react emotionally to some things in a way that is detrimental to your wellbeing. First of all you must diagnose the core your worry; what do you, personally, think your faults are? Whether these faults are actually faults or not is less the focus at this stage, just locating the source is a big step in learning to love yourself.
2. What Do You Love About Yourself?
It is all very well to beat ourselves up about our faults, but how often do you celebrate your virtues? I have heard it said many times that if a hundred things happen, we, as humans, will often dwell on the one thing that wasn’t great, rather than the ninety-nine things that were. If you are going to pinpoint your faults, you should spend equal time reminding yourself of what is fantastic about you as well. It’s only fair!
3. Comparison is the Enemy of Self-Love
Imagined faults are often created because we think others have it better. That person is fitter than I am. That person is more attractive than me. If only I was as clever/as kind/as successful as that person. This is no way to love yourself. We are all different. Take me for example, I have a judgemental relationship with my body. I am getting older, so it is harder to keep fit, and I don’t like that I am heavier than I used to be, or that I now have back fat, or that I have a bit of a belly. I said this to a young, slim friend of mine. He told me that it was nonsense, that I was perfect as I was, and that he wished he had my arms. We all compare ourselves, and the likelihood is that you have something somebody else wishes they had. This would be less of an issue if we just focused making sure we were happy with ourselves, regardless of other people.
4. Is There Anything You Can Do?
Your faults then. Is there anything you can do to change them? If you don’t like your body, is there something you can do to change that? Would the change be worth the price? If you aren’t sure that you are emotionally fit, or that you are behaving as you would like, is there somebody you can talk to? Is there somebody you can see? Are your faults unchangeable, and therefore not worth beating yourself up about?
5. Be OK With Yourself
Accepting your faults is paramount. Talking about them openly, accepting them as part of your personality and learning to love them is essential to ensuring that you are the best version of yourself. Wellbeing and resilience depend on self-love and confidence, this relates to everything that is good about you, and all the things that are not so good. Be yourself and work on being OK with it.
By Chris Thomson
Being hard on yourself? Boost your wellbeing by keeping negative thoughts at bay… 6 Ways to Override negative Thoughts
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